Feng Jin never thinks she is special. She is like an unnoticed little flower in the corner of the city, low-key, gentle, but no one cares about her. Her life is like fallen leaves scattered on the street, and she doesn’t know when she will fall from the tree, nor when she will be blown away by the wind. She doesn’t seem to be important in this world, and she has never been noticed. But she doesn’t care. Maybe, to some extent, she has become accustomed to not being seen.
Her eyes always gently sweep across the streets outside the window, neither hurried nor slow. Those vehicles and pedestrians shuttled in a hurry, as if they were eager to rush for some goal. Feng Jin could see that these people were busy pursuing their own lives, but she didn’t seem to be in a hurry to welcome the future. She thought that she had always been such a person, not hurried, not slow, quietly living every day, like a bystander of time.
“Fear crushes flesh and blood.” This world is full of too much fear. Feng Jin has long understood that fear does not come from external pressure, but something in her heart. Her fear was not that she was forced into a dead end by a threat, but that she was at a loss. She was afraid that she was not good enough, that her efforts would not be recognized, and that all her efforts would come to nothing over a long period of time. Her fear was deeply rooted in her heart, like an untouchable thorn.
She often doubted herself and whether her choice was correct. Those who shined on the glamorous stage had clear goals and firm determination, but she was just an ordinary person who went with the flow. She never thought about changing the world, or even changing herself. She did not live a wonderful life, and could even be said to be mediocre. But this mediocrity became her only way of existence.
“Courage tore the chest.” She did not know what courage was. She had seen too many brave people, and saw them fight for their ideals and pay for love, but she herself had never ignited that great emotion in her heart. It was not that she had no dreams, but those dreams were always as fine as sand, and they always slipped away when she grabbed them. She felt that her courage did not come from fighting for a certain goal, but from the softness that could not be defeated by life. Her courage lies in that no matter how stormy life is, she can stand quietly in the wind and wait for the next calm.
“Glory baptizes the body.” Feng Jin did not understand the meaning of the word glory. Glory seemed to be something that did not belong to her. She never pursued the halo of the outside world. She knew that she could never be the hero surrounded by people. She did not envy those complacent people. She would rather immerse herself in her own little world, even if this world seemed lonely. In her opinion, glory is a kind of nothingness that is destined to be worn out by time. What she pursues is just a stable life.
She thought, maybe this is the gap between her and the world. She stood on the edge of life, watching those people walk by her, walking fast and far. And she still stood there, quietly watching her shadow lengthen little by little. She was not as eager as those people, nor was she as eager for a destination as those people. She was just used to waiting and doing nothing. Perhaps, her life is destined to be like this, quietly passing by without being remembered by anyone.
“Thoughts are seeds, and manas sprouts.” Everything in Feng Jin’s life seems so simple. She has no complicated goals, no profound ideals. She only hopes to find something that belongs to her in this world. Whether it is a book, a cup of tea, or a quiet afternoon, she can find some comfort in it. She doesn’t have too many dreams, and she hasn’t even thought about whether she can make a difference at a certain stage in her life. She just lives quietly in her own little world, and occasionally, in the dead of night, she thinks about some questions she has never thought about.
“Footprints of fate.” Feng Jin never thinks that fate is a question worth thinking about. She knows that she has no ability to change anything, let alone control her own life. She is just an ordinary person, like all those who are pushed by fate, walking towards an invisible goal. She knows that the trajectory of fate has been planned for her, and the only thing she can do is to follow it and go on until she reaches the end. No matter what the result is, she can no longer turn back.
This is Feng Jin’s life, simple, ordinary, and even lonely. She has never risked her life to pursue anything, nor has she given up on herself to escape from anything. Her life has no dramatic climax, nor twists and turns. She is like an inconspicuous little flower, quietly blooming in a corner, although no one sees her beauty. She has no gorgeous dreams, nor a glorious past. All her choices seem to be made in just a moment, and then quietly disappear in the long river of time.
Her existence may be so simple. Everything passed peacefully in that dusk that no longer flows. And she always stands in her original position, quietly watching the world, as if everything has nothing to do with her.